Why Avoiding Difficult Training Can Hold Athletes Back
As both a coach and competitor, I’ve spent years watching athletes grow through difficult moments. One of the hardest realities in martial arts is that the very things that build confidence are often the things students most want to avoid.
Sparring is uncomfortable.
Competing is stressful.
Being nervous, getting hit, losing rounds, freezing under pressure, or walking onto the mat afraid — none of that feels good in the moment. Even experienced athletes struggle with those feelings.
But martial arts was never meant to only develop us during the easy or enjoyable moments.
Some of the most important growth happens during the parts we would rather avoid.
Confidence Is Not Built By Feeling Ready
One of the biggest misconceptions in youth sports is the belief that confidence comes first.
It usually doesn’t.
Confidence is built through repeated exposure to difficult situations. It comes from showing up nervous, trying anyway, struggling, improving slowly, and eventually realizing you survived something you once feared.
That process is rarely comfortable.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that many athletes say they want the rewards of being an athlete — confidence, medals, success, rankings, black belts — without fully understanding what the process actually requires.
Competitive training asks for consistency.
It asks for emotional resilience.
It asks athletes to participate even when they feel uncertain, frustrated, or afraid.
That doesn’t mean students need to love every part of training. Very few do.
But growth often depends on their willingness to continue anyway.
Avoidance Reinforces Fear
One of the most difficult patterns to watch as a coach is when athletes begin avoiding the exact training that would help them improve.
Skipping sparring days.
Avoiding contact drills.
Only participating in the parts of training that feel comfortable.
This is completely understandable emotionally — but it often creates a cycle where fear grows stronger instead of weaker.
The reality is:
Avoiding difficult training rarely reduces anxiety. It usually reinforces it.
Students who consistently work through uncomfortable situations tend to develop confidence over time. Students who avoid those situations often unintentionally convince themselves they cannot handle them.
Martial arts teaches physical skills, but it also teaches emotional tolerance — how to stay composed under pressure, recover after mistakes, and continue despite discomfort.
Those lessons matter far beyond the dojo.
Team Culture Matters
One thing many people do not realize about competitive training is how strongly mindset affects a team environment.
Attitudes spread quickly.
So does fear.
So does confidence.
Athletes who consistently show up during difficult practices help strengthen the people around them. They become reliable training partners, leaders, and examples for younger students.
At the same time, negativity and avoidance can also spread through a group if it becomes normalized.
As coaches, we walk a difficult line between compassion and accountability. We want students to feel supported, but we also understand that growth sometimes requires challenge.
Not every student wants the path of a competitive athlete — and that is completely okay.
There is tremendous value in recreational training, movement, discipline, friendship, and personal growth.
But competitive martial arts requires a different level of consistency, participation, and willingness to face discomfort.
The Athletes I Admire Most
Some of the strongest athletes I know still get nervous before every match.
Some still doubt themselves.
Some still feel fear walking onto the mat.
What separates them is not the absence of fear.
It is the willingness to keep showing up anyway.
And honestly, that may be one of the most valuable lessons martial arts has to offer.
At Onna Kimono, we believe women and girls belong in every part of martial arts — including the difficult moments that build resilience, confidence, and strength over time. Growth is rarely linear, and courage does not always look fearless. Sometimes courage simply looks like showing up again tomorrow.
Happy training,
Kaari